By Hollis Taylor
Recently I am having a short break from drag meanwhile I dive into my other interests in life such as alternative spiritual practices, intentional fires, drum & dance circles, nature, organic sustainable gardening, and festivals of all sorts. Everything is completely different for me than last spring and early summer. One of the biggest differences is that I noticed the emergence of my feminine, as if I pulled a bunch of weeds from around her and she is filling in. I feel, honestly, more balanced. As if the ability to express my masculinity has allowed for me to have a more stable feeling of balance. I feel like I have one foot in each gender expression. Which allows for the androgynous to emerge, the neither. It seems to be how I reach that feeling of androgynous is to be sure both have a strong outlet.
When I was a mother of a young boy and a wife to a husband I felt off balance and I knew it – I just didn’t know the path. I just began to weed the path like the patient virgo I am and upon it I discovered that I was not simply a mother and I no longer wanted to be a wife. I had so much more to me and my masculinity often threw temper tantrums. I pursued my desires for other womyn and was given the space to begin to discover my masculinity. When I got into drag I was given a stage, a place and an outlet to express what is masculine for me. Its like an honoring of our internal masculine.
Then as I learned from the strongest womyn I know how to handle large fires with gorgeous presentation. How to enjoy each moments beauty and to find it, no matter what is going on around you. Then I began to notice my plants this spring and mugwort, a very feminine medicinal herb, got my attention. We had a dance and I honored my internal monthly cycle that reminds me of my inner femininity. I talk about it here in my Butch Journey’s Blog. Then I simply allowed her space with no fears about how others will feel about my gender expression. At this point in my life it no longer matters. I don’t care how you see my gender or its expression – you are welcome to your own interpretation, I would love to hear all about it.
As for me I am simply androgynous at this time, finding neither gender present. Interestingly, I feel balanced. It’s a good feeling.