Yet ANOTHER reason I don’t want to choose… It seems to be that the pressure to choose actually forces us into the inequality of gender throughout our world. In fact, many mtf transpeople struggle with stepping down into the tough world of being a woman. You can find this in their books and in honest conversations with them. They even have to learn how to be less aggressive and not so strong….Now for the ftm transpeople that I know they just seem to disapear in the power of being a man, and often hide their gender bending personality, even though most of them still have vaginas and expect to be included in women’s activities, simply because they might be treated LESS like a man… Now what does that mean?? As I find myself in an office job I know EXACTLY what that means as I stand between being a man and a woman!
Women are for sure seen as the weaker gender, needier, less stable, less consistent, less strong, less aggressive, and so on. Women have to work twice as hard to prove themselves to …… MEN! What the fuck???!!!! This type of stuff makes me angry as I believe the only way to live is in equality and that your genitalia should have nothing to do with what people expect from you.
So this leads me to transitioning which again leads me to refuse to CHOOSE a gender. Although society usually chooses one for me… I refuse to choose one. Choosing one only adds to the inequality of gender. Why does it matter? Why should I choose, if choosing will only have you expect certain things from me… but what if I fail as a man… what if I cry because I am frustrated… what if I am weak, what if I like purple or pink, what if I like flowers!!! But if I choose woman the same things happen… what if I like fishing, what if I like to wear mens clothes, what if am strong, what if I like women?? So all of this leads me to the same place, why oh why does GENDER have ANYTHING to do with what you expect from me??
So to International women’s day…. well part of me is a woman and I cannot transition because I feel as though I am backstabbing the women out there fighting for equality…you don’t see men out there fighting for it… LOL! So does that make me a woman, because I am joining the fight for equality? I am sure there are some men joining up in this fight, but the majority of them only pretend to really care. But from their point of view women are treated fairly, and infact are babied and “taken care of”. Infact, many of them believe that THEY are treated unfairly because they are EXPECTED to be strong, tough, and not show emotion. This whole inequality thing is fascinating, isn’t it??
So if both sides of the gender feel like they are being treated unfairly… WHY DO WE HAVE GENDER?? Let’s just get rid of it…throw it out the dam window and let’s get on with life. I WISH it was that simple, but instead there are a lot of men and women out there that just aren’t comfortable with changes like that…likely because they wouldn’t know what to do with THEMSELVES!!
Either way, I still desire to join the women in their fight for equality as it could be a step towards total equality and the eradication of gender all together. Although, I am not sure this is the way its more than my genderqueers and transgender friends are doing. I know there is a transgender day, but they are fighting for the rights to transition and that insurance will cover their sex change costs and other related rights. Although I do think if someone insists on getting a sex change they should be able to get it I still think there needs to be a revolution for the eradication of all gender. True equality will happen when there is no gender to choose.
You must admit that you would be interested in finding out how many people still choose to transition if there was no such thing as gender…would it be necessary. And who is sick…Gender Neutral people or society?? I feel like I am out fighting this battle on my own, no groups, no activist movements, no genderqueer day, no mentors….just me waving my hands and saying “hey wait a minute- that’s not what we want either” to the transgender community that continues to subscribe to the gender inequality, even though they don’t fit into it either…but they keep trying!!
So how do you feel…do I still participate in women only activities? Do I miss out on these social events because I don’t completely subscribe to being a woman… or do I just enjoy both men/women? Think I could get a genderqueer group going in this city??? Hmmmm….
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That’s fascinating. In my unique gay experience I am outwardly male, and inwardly female; and grew up with this tendency to see everything from a feminine perspective (thought I know I’m in the correct body for me). Where I found peace was in the path that shows it is possible to be as a still candle flame in the midst of the duality of this world, so that I no longer have to choose from an external perspective, but from an internal. When women speak, I understand precisely what they *mean*. When men speak, I have to do a double take, to find out if they even understand what they’re saying. Regardless, I have to rely on my own instinct, to make the decision that fits my truth in that moment, without regard to how the external people perceive it, and let them accept their own consequences. It’s challenging, but it’s fun, because in the end I know that I have the advantage over both male and female: seeing both sides of the story, rather as you’ve described here, and realizing that I don’t have to be swayed by the external paradigm (either informed by it, or warned against it, as it were), but the internal. – Thanks, Bless
Start that group! We tried to get one started here, but the ball never really got rolling.
I would love it if gender were eliminated! However, so many people define themselves by their perceived gender that we would probably have a number of mental breakdowns to deal with. It’s funny though, because I’ve found that young children seem to “get it” while adults simply don’t. A child will ask me if I’m a boy or girl. I give my preprogrammed response: “It’s not important, I like boy things and girl things.” So far nearly every kid says the same thing: “Me too!” Adults are dumbfounded. Some get frustrated and seem to feel like it is a simple matter of biology. Others ask me when I’m going to start hormone therapy. They don’t understand that gender really doesn’t matter!
Still, it’s lonely being in the middle when nearly every aspect of society wants you to choose a side.
@Lee- This city isn’t very “hip” but does have an interesting trans community although the majority of them are mtf and are all mostly transitioning. I will think about it some more and then maybe start asking around.
It is a blessing that children are constantly crossing gender lines naturally and it seems parents and society forces them to choose the side of their “sex” – as if they have no choice on how to express themselves. Not sure if you been paying attention but it seems there is an entire revolution of kids being raised with shady gender lines, and frankly…. that’s the first step. So maybe we will see the eradication of gender in our lifetime…seems so far away!
It is often lonely and its often an invisible lonely because people ASSUME you are male or female – whatever THEY choose and then ASSUME you are like others whom identify that way. I have found though that I prefer having very few friends and I am picky about who I spend my time with. I have found that once I remove gender and sexuality I prefer friends that I have things in common with, people I DO things with, and people that grow and change over time. It just so happens most of them happen to be female, straight, and often Christian or at least spiritual. Since I am none of those things it often baffles how when you remove societies labels of gender, orientation, and religion you can find true mutually beneficial friendships…. and I wonder if our entire society could benefit from the removal of these labels.
@Feather- I understand what your saying and totally agree with being a still flame and all. I guess it is hard to describe how it feels to be genderqueer as it would be hard to describe the feelings of being gay. I am often forced into boxes because of my gender. For instance, as you remember learning to pee standing up was something you were taught as a child. Now, as an adult you do it without thinking….but did you know that people with vaginas can also pee standing up? But we never learn….but we can… and someday I will master it in order to make my camping trips that much easier 🙂 Did you know that men’s clothing is more comfortable than pantyhose, heels, and dresses…. even men’s underwear is more comfy. Also, as someone with a vagina men in my workplace will blame a bad day on my “hormones” – and I am overlooked even though I am better than my male competition. And why don’t we have a president with a vagina yet? As you know most people call me “maam, girl, lady, woman, her, she” and so on…. It’s an assumption based on my genitals. So at work some person calls me “babe” daily in order to “flirt” with me….again an assumption that makes me feel confused, wrong, and out of place. BTW, this person is my “type” in theory… LOL… but long story. When I walk, breasts bound, into a gay bar they check me out like a piece of meat… Either way… I feel out of place. I think the fight to remove these labels is worth fighting and not silently standing by while gender is assumed is the best approach. Making people aware is my best defense…