That Gender Bender is a Game Changer

Is Lesbian sex real sex?
By Hollis Taylor

This is a great article regarding female sexuality and the implication that without a penis, there is no sex happening. That is great information and it makes so many great points but there are a few I thought were missing. First the fact that if someone is a drag king, transgender, or gender queer in any way they automatically change the game and then what do you call that relationship – what changes the label the sex, the gender, or something else? Then I want to consider female sexuality in general and how all sexuality is oppressed, and what we can do to change it!

As we all know I am a Drag King and I love the performance, the music, and the dancing. Its fun to act out the various songs in ways I always dreamed of anyway. Arial, my primary partner, loves and adores costumes. Seriously, she is such a clothes whore. She loves to dress me, herself and anyone else that will let her. She talks about dressing her boyfriends before she came out, as a young girl. She dresses me for drag and frankly that is part of what we both love about it. The entire exchange, her helping me, watching me perform…. its something we share together. In a safe atmosphere of a queer bar we are a heterosexual couple, at least it appears that way. I like tricking you into thinking I am a male bodied person. We both love sharing secrets together. Arial and I find the entire experience of drag together to be bonding for both of us. Its something we do together. Now if I do go home and put on a strap on and fuck her, does that make us heterosexual. I appear, behave, and am treated like a man when in drag. Or if my Drag King friend goes to bed with my Trans-woman sister, whom still has a penis, does that make the Drag King straight or the Trans-woman lesbian? Ohhh things are really confusing now! Maybe we should all just love who we love, have sex with who we want, and stop trying to label something we don’t understand! Sexual attraction, sexual expression, and who we love and spend our lives with is way bigger than we can even wrap our brains around. What can change a label? Why do we need this label? Labels helps  us understand each other… well we need to decide if its the sex that changes it? or the gender? In my world its queers & straights 🙂 I am queer and prefer only queers.

I do still use the lesbian label. I identify as a lesbian for many reasons, it is a simple label to use with the average muggle. Also I love my female body and love bringing it together with other female bodied people! There is also the consideration I love what is considered lesbian sex. I like tribbing, yup, I said it… I like tribbing. I have tried it with people with a penis and it just doesn’t work, something always gets in the way. Ultimately that something turns me off. I love woman, especially strong womyn. I notice that I am attracted to lesbians more than just the average woman. But ultimately I like naturally strong woman, and I love NATURAL womyn. Often, because transwoman come across as strong, I find myself attracted to them. I have not found one that keeps me interested for any extended period of time, at least in a romantically sexual relationship. Most times I like female born lesbians, its a flavor thing. Which leads me to who I am. I am Strong, ohhh yes. I can physically move your body, I move people’s body for a living. I am emotionally strong and prove it again and again. I am emotionally romantic, absolutely, I send flowers, I cook dinner, I say all the sweet things in her ear. Even with friends I am romantic. I took a group of womyn friends to the market and bought them all a yellow rose, presented each one with a hug and something sweet in their ear. Naturally romantic, and at times it feels vulnerable. But its who I am and frankly I think most men should act this way. I am an example of what a man should be to a woman, regardless of your body parts. Respecting a woman for who she is and treating her exactly as she wants to be treated, that’s important, because giving will ultimately bring everyone what they really need. This is where things get messed up.

Somewhere along the line we forget just how important love and intimate connections are. We forget how important it is to give them to each other, not receive them. In the end we end up receiving something very special, indeed, but in the beginning we must remember to give them to each other. When you approach any relationship in a giving manner you will find that it brings you both more fulfillment. My fascination is how when men talk about sex with woman they typically talk all about what she did for him. They usually avoid what they did for her, almost with a sense of shame. As if the other men listening will think they are “pussy whipped” Ever heard that term? sad but I still hear it! Somehow though woman have brought a lot of the giving to relationships and many men have taken. In lgbt relationships there is simply a giver and a taker, I think both roles should be shared. Its not just woman who are oppressed its everyone, everyone is sexually oppressed. Notice men eventually lose their ability to receive, hence the use of Viagra. Woman simply lose interest in something that never provided them with anything they liked or wanted anyway. Instead what needs to be looked at is how we interact with each other. If you are always giving and the other person always takes, eventually this relationship will be damaging. Partnership is important, working together for a common goal. If we can improve our partnerships, we can improve our families and our communities. Then it won’t matter what you are, but instead WHO you are! If you approach it all from a giving perspective the entire game changes – maybe to the next “sexual revolution”

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