Transgender? What does that mean to me?

So I went to the support group. I was SO anxious. I practically shaking all the way through from 1/2 hour before I had to leave till I was there for 20 minutes. I am not sure what I was afraid of. But as usual I walked right into whatever I was afraid of because that is the ONLY thing to reduce to my anxiety about it. It was interesting to hear other peoples struggles and their thoughts about transitioning and living as a transgender. I am still giving lots of thought to transitioning but I am still leaning on NO. I still don’t think transitioning is for me. For many reasons, that I will write about at some point. I am debating on attending the transgender Holiday party…. Should I? I barely know these people, but …..

Anyway, for now I am just trying to take all this a step at a time. I am slowly “coming out”. I have been dressing as a boy since August or so. When I was paid to shave my head it was a real turning point for me. It freed me from my ties to long hair and looking feminine. I had NEVER really dressed as a woman unless I HAD to for some special occasion. BUT now with a hair cut and all I look like a boy. Now I am just aware that I look like a boy and am exploring the comforts of my other gender. I am not sure what else I will be doing to be in this world in a comfortable way but for now I am spreading the word that I am Transgender.

I was reading a book, “Parotfish” by Ellen Wittlinger which is about a younger person that comes out in high school that SHE is now a HE. The main character gets frustrated with trying to explain his situation and says that he would like to give out a card that says, “I am Transgender. Define what that means to YOU and then talk to me.” So I was thinking… I guess I need to define transgender to myself before I can move any further.  Here’s my definition:

Transgender: a term used to identify anyone that does not identify with their birth gender and/or identifies as both male and female and/or identifies as neither male nor female.

I think that’s the simplest I can put it. What do you think?

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