So I tried to explain to my mother what I have been struggling with. I told her about all my issues and she seemed to be understanding and even connected to most of them. Once I began to talk about my gender issues she stopped listening and started telling me what I was. How I wasn’t transgendered and that everyone feels a little part of the other gender. I listed to what she said and heard her… but I know she didn’t hear me. That’s ok I know that when I talk to her again in a few months about it she would have talked to her gay/transgender friends and they will have helped her better understand where I am coming from. Geeze I am glad my mother is in “the Program” as it seems to help her deal with me.

It was sort of strange how she pointed out that she recognized that I had always been a lesbian. She pointed out my first love affair with a girl at age 11 and I was thinking… so she is verifying that I have always been lesbian. Now it will just take her a while to understand or come to terms with my transgender stuff. I know she will not understand, I don’t expect anyone to understand. But I know she will do her best to come to terms with it.

Recently I have just been cross dressing without tying down my breasts. Right now it is too difficult to tie them down because in public I often have panic attacks and the strapping down of my breasts makes it harder to breathe. So I just been dressing comfortably and try not to worry about what people see when they see me.

I am who I am… I have no gender. I could be described as Genderqueer.