Today, on the internet, I was shown a video that randomly pointed out how men and women shower, according to their gender. The woman was concerned with her looks, the type of shampoo, and cleaning the stall. The man was mostly concerned with getting clean and being comfortable. As I watched these “joke” videos I wondered where I fit in, isn’t that how these jokes work? Well anyway I couldn’t identify with ANYTHING the woman did except for using natural type shampoo, as I use castile soap with tea tree oil for my dandruff. Then as I watched the guy I could identify with many of the things he did but still not all of them.
What about the other gender… some call it trans, some call it queer… whatever you want to call it. What about us? I don’t feel comfortable in the presence of men, or women, and not even transmen or transwomen. I just feel like I don’t ever fit in, it just feels that way all the time. I have never met another genderqueer before but I notice that online I identify most with people on GenderFork When I read transgender blogs and articles, although I think they have the right to be who they are, I just don’t identify with them.
I have always felt like I didn’t fit in, but not because I am the other gender… simply because I am some other undefined gender. I am something that doesn’t exist. It seems to me that many other trans people feel like they were always a man or a woman… but for me I have always felt I wasn’t either but I was also both… This undefined gender leaves me lonely.