I made this blog in order to help me grasp my gender and to help reduce anxiety regarding my gender. Recently I have come to be settled with the idea that I am both. I am both a man and a woman in one person and right now my body appears to be female to most people. I dress in men’s clothes and from the back I might appear as a man. I can bind which will also make me appear male, and sometimes I enjoy that.
At this point in my life I am learning to accept who I am, regardless of how “uncomfortable” I might make people. I also need to be aware of my health and being overweight most of my adult life has been partially tied to my gender confusion. Today though, I am focusing on losing weight and building myself up to look more masculine. I try to work out every day and I will be purchasing a bicycle so that I can ride it to work. I walk my dog, I love hiking, and I want to be a farmer. All these things are activities I didn’t do when I just “pretended” to be a woman – frankly they weren’t good for my image as a woman! I am happy to be slowly increasing my activities in order to build an active life – I know that it won’t happen overnight like if I took hormones…. but I will be much happier with the result.
Just like when you grow tomatoes. You can force them to grow in a greenhouse, use chemical fertilizers, use herbicides and pesticides to take the fast way out…. but the tomatoes that come out the other end are far below in quality than the ones that are grown and tended naturally. I love organic fresh tomatoes and frankly…. I wouldn’t want anything less for my body. So it took me 15 or so years to get my body fat and out of shape, and very femme. It might just take me that long to have a masculine body, hopefully 10 years less. I am 2 years into it and so far when I look at the old photos of me from 2 years ago I am proud!
Slow changes are easier to deal with anyway….