So as you can see, I shaved my head. I been approaching another changing time in my life… I am constantly changing. It’s just my nature or something….like I have ADHD with life 🙂 It’s not that I am fake at one moment but more real at the other….its simple… I evolve, fast. I don’t know why. In my 30’s I learned to notice the changes coming. At some point a major thing about me begins to bug me and I obsess. I normally fail, find myself in some sad down place over and over again. And then like an egg I begin to hatch. I feel the shell build up, I feel myself changing.
I have done lots of things during these revolutions. They can be as small as changing lifestyle choices to moving to starting school to divorcing my husband to starting therapy or ending it. It’s an evolution I am not sure if this is still the coming out process or just who I am, honestly. Some have said its just me coming out… Is there ever a completely OUT in this culture?
So I can feel these coming on and I will often do something radical to either symbolize or mark it. Sometimes the actual choice itself will enough mark like “divorcing my husband” But then some others I will express the change on the outside in the form of a tattoo or clothing changes. This time I received 3 tattoos in a short period of time and I shaved my head. I started with the word “love” in green on my heart chakra – in hopes to love myself fully in order for me to love others fully. Then I got my “feminist” fist tattoo on my left arm – to embrace the feminist not the woman they want, I don’t know her. Then I got the tattoo for my father simply “Roll” with a music symbol beside it. Then I shaved my head.
I am not sure what I will find on the other side of this chaotic time in my life but I know that usually my life improves with each revolution.
So here I am at work with my new tattoos simply covered with my clothing and my head shaved. First of all, let’s say this…. nurses are at times a little “off the wall” and “strange”. It’s a certain breed of women, and typically they are all crazy. BUT me… well I am “off the wall” and more “strange” than most nurses and frankly some wonder if I might just be insane. I show up to work with a shaved head and completely rock everyone’s world.
Every time someone walks down the hall, even if they don’t know me… they comment on my hair. Its rather funny and amusing to me and apparently some of my co-workers as well. A few of them obsess over questioning me about my choice to remove hair and at some point I get to the statement and question, “If I were a boy you wouldn’t question why I shaved my head. So why does it matter if a girl shaves her head?”
Each time I analyze social gender I come to the obvious question every single time… “Why does it matter?” There is no need for gender in our social world, really there just isn’t. It is just another form of discrimination, like race and orientation.