Masculinity

At this point I don’t think synthetic hormones are WRONG, but I don’t think I should have to take them in order to be seen as male. Rather I believe in other options and I don’t want to be seen as male ALL the time. Still there are times I like being a woman and truly appreciate my femininity but only when I have plenty of masculine expression. Finding a way to fully express my masculine side is the struggle. For some unknown reasons living every day as simply a butch female just isn’t masculine enough.

NIN Izzy Ahee

So when I did this song I took all that intimidation and boundary pushing and threw it right into the character. I embody that part of me and release it among the crowd in a way the ended up making them all FUCKING HORNY! Ha ha! Good stuff and tons of fun.

“Comfort Zone”

As a teenager all of my friends constantly were dressing me, in order to “bring out my feminine side” I hoped they could inspire that “femme” side to come out because I was starting to get worried about the sexual feelings I was having for the girls putting on my make up.

Transman

Anyway as far as extreme on either side of the gender spectrum makes me feel constricted, tied up, or even fake in some ways. Often if someone is too much of one side I find that I feel that their fake, maybe I am judgmental, but I don’t trust everything they do for that reason. For me, I just can’t stay on either side to heavily I get wiggly and I can’t sit still. I always break the gender rules – yah I am a butch gardener farmer type, yah I plant little flowerly fairy gardens!! See I break them all the time, I just keep stretching out and crossing boundaries.

Anxiety?!

I have had this transgender stuff burried for so long that I am having issues identifying whats me and whats a role that I took to appear as a woman. I also just feel sad… all over… simply because I am trans. Who would choose this path for themselves. There is very little positives in…