Most would define transman as a female bodied person who goes through some sort of physical transformation to look more like a male bodied person. Often they don’t get sexual reassignment surgery, a medically applied penis, because its not very effective. Often the penis doesn’t work or is very small… and there is a chance of losing your ability to orgasm. So many trans men are male bodied people with a vagina, sexy for sure…. but usually just physically to me. Have you ever seen someone that’s really sexy visually, talked to them and then find yourself turned off? That happens a lot with me with trans men. I find their hyper-masculinity to be rather abrasive in the same way I find dominant men abrasive. I also find that I have a hard time befriending them for reasons I am unsure of. I often am super attracted to them pre transition and then after a ton of hormones and surgery at some point they lose their attractiveness, but at some point on the other side they come back to the center of the gender spectrum. Then, again, I am attracted to them as friends and lovers. This goes for trans women too but to a lesser degree. Hyper-feminine bothers me less for some reason.

Anyway as far as extreme on either side of the gender spectrum makes me feel constricted, tied up, or even fake in some ways. Often if someone is too much of one side I find that I feel that their fake, maybe I am judgmental, but I don’t trust everything they do for that reason. For me, I just can’t stay on either side to heavily I get wiggly and I can’t sit still. I always break the gender rules – yah I am a butch gardener farmer type, yah I plant little flowerly fairy gardens!! See I break them all the time, I just keep stretching out and crossing boundaries.

Dam I just can’t stay too far to one side. As I began to meet a variety of transmen I found that they were often too hyper-masculine, to a point that it brings up that hostility in me… someday we will find its source. For now, forgive my reactions but I just can’t stand it when you try to ACT MALE or FEMALE!! Stop it dammit, just be yourself! No one is that tough all the time, we all have emotions. Don’t act tough dammit, well all know your NOT! Sigh… sorry my emotions got the best of me. I apologize.

Also the other reason I abandoned the label… just saying this. I cannot take a medication prescribed and supported by a medical system that I think is horribly corrupted. Yes I do work in the industry in a way that I think they are TRYING to get it right, they know they have it horribly wrong…. ask a nurse you know how many medications she takes. Most nurses boycott medication if not try to avoid it at all costs. Why? Simple… it obviously is bad for you and doesn’t make sense. Nurses, in my opinion, are more in touch with how to heal a person than a doctor. Good nurses that is, the ones that do the job for the right reason. Again our medical ways are completely corrupt and I have known this to be true for a long time. No one will ever convince me of anything different, try as you might. Many trans people assure me of all the reasons why its good but in my heart and soul I think it is wrong to take a medication made by man to physically alter what nature gave you… in order to be less socially awkward. No thank you, you will accept me as a person – fuck gender!

That’s right I am a gender fucker!! I refuse to recognize gender! LMFAO! But I also recognize your choice to make your own decisions and please by all means… take all the hormones you want. I just won’t be joining you on that mission. Don’t judge me and I won’t judge you 🙂

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